Magnus Nocens Lupus
by MelpomeneTears
Summary: He should remember her.  Secret Swooper gift for Bef


**Magnus Nocens Lupus**

He had watched her almost every night since she had come to the Keep nearly a year ago. And though the sad look was there less often it still crept up on her from time to time. Her nightly circuits of the roof were that pains' most frequent hiding place.

Her raven locks, usually twined into a thick braid on her back, were flowing loose tonight as she made her way up the stairs. The sadness was already darkening her gaze. He sighed heavily, in all these nights she never even noticed him, barely concealed in a dark corner. Her elven eyes should have easily ferreted him out.

The bastard prince held her captive, though none knew where he was, nor if he was alive. He had been called to Weisshapt over a year ago and the letters had ceased coming only a few months later. The Commander had all but disappeared with them. The shadow left behind was more of a ghost than a woman.

Anders moved from his darkened corner when she was out of sight and slipped into his rooms. He sunk slowly into an oversized chair and let out another heavy sigh. Closing his eyes he tried to forget her haunted look and remember the woman who had first come to the Keep.

She had been radiant then, shimmering with passion and power. His lips quirked as he remembered first meeting her, when he had been surrounded by Templars. Her raucous laughter had surprised him, especially in response to his assurance he hadn't in fact killed the Templars.

It was such a big sound to come out of such a small elven woman. He had racked his brain for weeks afterwards trying to remember her from the Circle, but with no luck. How in Thedas could you forget a laugh like that? It was truly bizarre.

Picking up the book he had been reading he opened it, determined to forget, at least for another night, their melancholy Commander. After he had read the same paragraph four times he gave up, placing the book back down and heading down to the kitchens.

Repeatedly picking things up then putting them back, he finally conceded, "There are no answers here." Vaguely irritated he headed back to his rooms. Skipping the book all together he cleaned up from the basin and climbed into bed.

* * *

Even in dreams he could not escape her. She was there, on the rooftop, staring out at the sunset. "He's not coming back Commander."

She turned her sad eyes to him, "I know."

"Then why are you here?"

A tear slid down her cheek. "I'm trying to figure out how to do this all alone."

He took a step towards her then cursed as the image faded away. The Darkspawn came and swallowed his dream whole. The rest of the night passed in nightmares.

* * *

Weeks passed and he kept his own vigil. Though his fingers ached to touch her, smoothing away the creases on her brow, he stayed away. Each night his bed felt colder and lonelier than the night before.

He was friendly and witty, but no matter how hard he tried he could not coax that laugh from her again. On good days he could pull a small smile from her and he treasured each of them.

"Are you ever going to tell her or are you just going to pine from afar?"

Anders jumped, startled by the dwarf's voice. He turned around, easily slipping into his mask of mirth, "Pine? And just who do you suppose it is I am pining after?"

Sigrun rolled her eyes; she took a step closer to Anders and dropped her voice. "You don't fool me Anders." Still looking annoyed and exasperated she turned and left.

Anders was lost; all of it was new to him. He was used to girls, you made them smile, and flirted, surreptitiously touched them, then you had your fun and were on your way. But the Commander wasn't a girl. She was a woman, and she wasn't a woman to have a casual dalliance. It was why he had kept his distance in the first place. True she was spoken for, but even had she not been, it was easy to see she was a woman who was in it for the long haul. The heart, of course, had its own designs.

Sunset was fast approaching and Anders knew where to find her. He headed for the roof, not sure what he was going to say, nor exactly why he was going to see her, but knowing something needed to change. They were both in purgatory.

He opened the door, using his loud movements to announce his presence. Even so she barely reacted, her ear twitched a little, but nothing else moved.

"Hello Anders," she finally turned to him, "What do you need?"

Anders cringed inside, what did he need? He needed her to laugh, to shake free from the cloud that hung over her. He needed her to forget Alistair, or at least recognize that he was gone for good. He let one of his best smiles slide into place and fixed her in his gaze. "Now, Commander we've cover this many times; pretty girl, good meal, lightning at fools." He took a small step in her direction and turned the smile up a notch, "Not that I can complain, two out of three isn't bad."

The barest smile touched her lips before it was dashed into a million pieces to be replaced by that saddened and pained look. She was suddenly apologetic, "I'm sorry it's just…"

"I remind you of him…right." He shook his head unable to hide his annoyance. Now that the subject had been brought up, however awkwardly, he decided to plow ahead. "Did the Wardens ever tell you what happened to him?"

She sneered, "They told me I should write to him if I wanted to know. Insufferable bastards." She looked back out at the setting sun and sighed, "Happily ever afters aren't written for people like you and I."

"Mages? Wardens?"

"Both, we're doubly cursed."

Anders did cringe this time, "Not this garbage."

She shook her head and turned back to him. "Not like the ridiculous Chant. Neither being a mage nor a Warden is conducive to relationships or happiness."

"Perhaps…or perhaps that's a total load of crap." Her eyes snapped up to meet Anders, and he registered the shock there. "How long do you plan to wallow?"

Her eyes flashed with anger and Anders felt a little triumph, it was at least something.

"How dare you. You have no idea what I've lost."

"The same thing a lot of other people lost during the Blight, loved ones. But they are still living their lives."

"I am too. I have done everything that has been asked of me, everything that is needed of me." Her breath hitched as she gestured over the land.

He waited for her to bring her attention back to him before continuing. "So do the Tranquil, but I don't consider that living either."

She stared at him shocked, her lips slightly parted, and her eyes wide. Pressing his advantage he stepped forward and wrapped his arms around her, pulling her against him in a hug. She felt stiff and resisted, but he felt the iron in her spine give way bit by bit.

Suddenly she sagged against him, her head against his chest. At first there was no movement or sound, then her body shuddered and a few seconds later he heard the first sob. Her entire body shook as sob after sob slammed through her body.

He felt her tears soak through his robes and he held her tight. He didn't know what else to do for her, it wasn't something they taught at the Circle and he had never really been interested in comforting a woman before.

She started crumpling in his grip, her legs giving out and it felt as if she was trying to draw herself up into a ball. Anders held her fast, not wanting to let her go while she was so vulnerable. Time ticked by slowly, but eventually her cries subsided.

She still leaned against him for support, unwilling or unable to support herself. When she still was not holding herself up after several minutes Anders picked her up and started to carry her towards the door into the Keep.

"No, I…I can't go back like this." She struggled in his grip until he placed her down.

He kept his face as neutral as he could. "Afraid someone might figure out that you have feelings?"

She sat on the roof and drew her knees up to her chest. "You know, I can kill Darkspawn by the dozens. I have faced enemies most people could never even fathom; I can bring people back from the brink of death," she paused and took a shaky breath, "but I can't help but feel weak and lonely all the time."

She looked up at Anders for the first time. Tears glistened in the corner of her eyes and her lip was quivering as she worked hard not to cry. "I have been over everything a million times in my head, and I can't even blame him for leaving me." She dropped her head again staring at the stone under her. "I made him…," she shrugged and stood up.

Anders watched as she pulled the mask over her face that hid all she was thinking. "What happened to you that made you think it was your fault. Maybe he was just an idiot, or maybe something happened to him, maybe Weisshapt is keeping him there, for whatever reason. There is no reason to think it was your fault."

She gave him a rueful smile. "I've never had much luck in affairs of the heart." She searched his face for a long moment before she gave him a genuine smile. "You still don't remember me, do you?"

Anders swallowed hard, he had always felt that there was something he should remember but he could never nail it down. He gave her a clearly apologetic smile, hoping she would not be angry, "I…no, not really."

He saw her eyes twinkle just a moment before she wrapped her arms around his neck pulling his face down to her. She pressed her lips against his and hooked a foot around the back of one of his legs pulling her body close against him.

Anders wrapped his arms around her, enjoying the feel of her, only half aware that he was holding the Commander in his arms. He trailed kisses along her jaw and the word came unbidden to his lips. "Gypsy." He suddenly stiffened and released her.

He looked her over again, then gathered her hair in one hand and pulled it back to try to imagine her with short hair. Wonder writ clear across his face, his fingers trailed down her arm. He released her hair and pulled her sleeve up to the elbow. The pattern was there, the odd little cluster of freckles on her forearm.

She fidgeted trying to stay still as he took a step back and took in the sight of her again. He nearly whispered this time. "Gypsy?"

Grimacing she said, "Jowan started that. He looked it up, Nuri means Gypsy so he started calling me that. It stuck, obviously. When I was fighting the Blight I thought Nuri was more appropriate."

"You look…" he shook his head and grinned, "different."

Nuri chuckled and Anders heart sped up, "When I came to the Keep it had been nearly four years since you had seen me. " Moving away from him she added, "I was so relieved to see you, someone else Circle trained, a familiar face. The prospect of being Commander was so...daunting."

She turned back to face him, as she leaned against the wall, hands behind her back. "When you didn't recognize me I was, relieved and hurt."

He quirked his brow, "Relieved?"

She laughed quietly, "Well I did follow you around the tower for almost six months like a lost puppy."

He had found it amusing at first and had even indulged her a little. After teasing her on and off for months about her crush he had done something completely impulsive and irresponsible. He had kissed her, only meaning to…actually he wasn't sure what he had meant by it.

But when she had clung to him like a piece of driftwood in a flood, he had pried himself loose and left quickly. He had left, not just the room, but the tower. Anders had laughed at himself for days after the incident. His need for freedom so pervasive that at the first sign of a girl wanting more than a casual fling with him, he had, quite literally, run away.

She had been there when the Templars had dragged him back. He had glimpsed her and Jowan in the hall as he was pulled towards the holding cells. Jowan had been standing behind her with his arms wrapped around her shoulders. He had a whole year to think about the look he had seen on her face.

"Jowan? Was he really…"

She laughed, a hollow and self deprecating sound. "He didn't want me either. Found himself a Chantry Initiate…"

"_He_ was the blood mage?"

She nodded a little half smile.

Anders shook his head in disbelief, "What happened? Why?"

"It's a long and tiresome story Anders. One I don't wish to relive."

The pain on her face was breaking his heart, yet he stayed still, feeling like he was twisting in the wind not sure what to do next.

But then she was staring at him, and he walked forward and caressed her hair, twining a few strands around his finger. For a moment he thought she might take off, she had the look of a trapped rabbit. It nearly made him laugh, thinking that he must have had that look himself the day he had bolted from the tower to escape her.

Smiling and letting his voice drop he whispered softly "How old are you little Gypsy…Hero of Ferelden…Savior of the Circle…Champion of Amaranthine?"

She shuddered slightly and bit her bottom lip. He boxed her in when she went to move away from his touch. "I…" she swallowed nervously, "I…don't know. Twenty maybe?"

He felt predatory; at least a little, penning her in. And his fingers slid down to her chin and tilted it up so he could place a soft and gentle kiss on her lips. He pulled away from her, "Too young…"his gaze traveled over her slowly, he shook his head and smiled at her again, "Too young by far." He turned to leave and couldn't keep from smiling at her indignant response.

"Too young for what? There isn't anything in Thedas I can't handle, I killed the bloody Archdemon."

He barely paused on his way to the door, "Too young to be mourning a man who is too stupid to return to you, when there's a catch like me in the Keep."

He did pause then and closed his eyes relishing the sound of her raucous laughter.

* * *

Why is my heart hammering in my chest? I'm not some little besotted girl following him around the Tower anymore. Oh Sweet Maker, he smells exactly the same, rich and masculine with the faintest hint of Lyrium. Pull yourself together Nuri, he's just a man.

I need to get out of here, before I make a fool of myself. Why did I kiss him? I need to get into the Keep and to my desk; a few hours of paperwork will be enough to forget all of this foolishness, forget the way he is looking at me. How in Thedas did he ever remind me of Alistair?

Oh, no fair, deepening your voice like that. Sweet Andraste, it feels as good as if you were touching me. Pay attention girl, he asked you a question. Right, cause chewing on your lip doesn't make you look unsure at all. "I…I don't know…maybe twenty?"

Same smug ,sexy Anders; part of your brain knows to stay away from a man like him, knows to run, knows he's dangerous, knows he's the big bad wolf. But the closer he gets to you, the more lost you become. That smile is blinding, and captivating, a strange and overwhelming lure, like the ones Zev used during the Blight.

He kissed me and he's teasing me, I know, I can hear it in his voice. He teased me often enough in the Circle but I can't help but react, especially now that's he's leaving and my brain is starting to work again. Maker, I can't remember the last time I laughed like this.

He is the big bad wolf, and I am already lost.


End file.
